35. Notes - on jealousy and other things

35.   5 October 2019

       Mid-afternoon. You are upset with yourself because earlier you had written about a page for today's blog and you accidently erased it. You, Carol, Linda and Gayle had a Graeter's at Worthington this afternoon. Gayle then left for her home nearby. You are now home. - Amorella

       1648 hours. The focus was on Ms Havisham's biography of me, from her soul perspective. I learned something very important about how life is, at least how my life has been. My soul's biography of my life is honed down to one paragraph, twelve sentences and two hundred and sixty-six words. Here it is again.

** **

I remember those years, old man. You spent a lot of time drinking and thinking about drugs but you never took them in those days. Eventually, you got yourself sober on will alone then discovered your younger sister's roommate her freshman year at Otterbein and married her in 1967 after you started teaching your first year. Carol was a sophomore at that time. You finally had a focus and after Carol graduated and you had taught two more years you got into Bowling Green State University (again, conditionally) to work on a Master’s in Education on curriculum development. Within a year's time you received your degree and took a teaching job in the private American School in Sao Paulo, Brazil for two years. You taught British literature to seniors and freshman composition and literature and Carol taught third grade. After two years you both decided to return to the States, you both got teaching jobs in the Cincinnati area, Carol earned her Master's in Education at the University of Cincinnati, and you both stayed until retirement; you in 2003 and Carol in 2004. You had one daughter whom you taught as a senior AP student at Mason High, Kim graduated from Miami of Ohio and earned a Master's at Ohio State University. I was there, a witness to your life, just as other souls are witnesses to the human spiritual heartsanminds they hold. There is no privacy one's soul does not know. Strangely, though, as circumstance would have it, the soul is aware of what the spiritual heartanmind does not know, the fully unconscious spiritual heartanmind. - mh

** **

       1656 hours. Ms Havisham does not mention my parents, grandparents, family or other relatives or friends. When she mentioned Kim, it is not her birth but the year Kim had me for her AP British literature teacher. She does not mention Paul or their boys, Owen and Brennan. It is as thought all these other people have their own individual souls who note these things in their separate honed down biographies. It is like Ms Havisham may be my soul now, but eventually she'll move on with another person's spiritual heartanmind. The writing also implies that Ms Havisham has held many another individual human heartanmind before my own. 

       What did you expect? This is from her point of view. - Amorella

       1705 hours. What happened to all these other spiritual heartsanminds?

       They moved on. Do you think everything ends with you? Life didn't begin with you. you know. I think you are jealous that Ms Havisham is not yours to keep. - Amorella

      1708 hours. How can you say that, Amorella? I don't even believe a word of this. 

       Old man, you believe enough to be jealous. - Amorella

       Amorella is right, old man. You are jealous. I'm flattered but souls do what they do just like human beings do what they do. - mh

       1715 hours. For what purpose is this?

       For what purpose is a flower? - mh

       Old man, what if all that is left of your spiritual heartanmind are genuine acts and thoughts of kindness towards others of your species? Think on that if you will. Or, don't. You will learn something either way. - Amorella

       1736 hours. First, I'll have to define 'genuine'. 

       Yes, for you that is a first. Post. - Amorella

      1933 hours. Genuine or authentic -- I don't feel I am always genuine even when I am. 

       You are only human, old man. - Amorella